The horrible question everyone should never have to ask themselves: what if? What if you studied a little more? What if you worked a little harder? What if you exercised and tried to be more healthy? What if you actually asked that person out on a date? What if you took a vacation? What if you never stayed up late at night and masturbated to Carmen Electra?
Do you know how to get the truth out of people? Not from some sort of movie truth serum shot or on a late night talk show or even in a conversation between two ferns, the way to pry the obscene truth is to stick them in a hot tub and feed them drinks. Life is so much clearer when everything is bubbling around you.
Other than being beautiful (not that Samuel L. is beautiful) and rich and powerful, being a celebrity must be really crappy. Can you imagine all the strangers rushing up to you? Can you imagine all the weird demands that ‘fans’ have? Can you imagine all the delusional people blaming you for doing your job? Samuel L. Jackson can.
It’s probably a thankless job working a sperm bank since no matter how professional you keep things and no matter how numb your are to creeps and no matter how much paperwork you file and no matter how much pornography you offer, you’ll still run into awkward situations. It’s like a ruder version of working at the DMV where the people who work at the DMV are your customers.
Most people love San Francisco! Well, except for that one startup guy. But the rest of us can find something about SF to love from its vibrant culture, wonderful food, open minded people, close proximity to the ocean, charming architecture, the Golden Gate Bridge, most excellent burritos, Colin Kaepernick, occasionally very beautiful days, lovely in theory public transportation system, once in a while world changing ideas and so on. Here’s Funny or Die’s take on the crabby people who hate on the city by the bay.